I was listening to my favorite radio station this morning on my way to work and they had a listener who called in with what I feel was a great question. She’s been with her boyfriend for 5 years and is beginning to feel a lot of pressure from her mother to get married. The problem? She doesn’t want to get married. She feels like she has everything she needs & wants right now and would rather not have to worry about getting divorced. So the DJs got to talking and trying to figure out the advantages to being married. There’s the obvious legal factors such as life insurance, health insurance etc. But what are the emotional benefits to getting married? That’s a great question.
I’ve been married. I did it because it was the next logical step in my 7+ year relationship. I did it because I had always dreamed of being that beautiful bride walking down the aisle and smooshing cake in my groom’s face (there was no smooshing actually – I wish now there was though!). I did it because it’s where my life was meant to take me. I did it without reservations. I did it without fear of divorce. I did it without even considering the legal & financial benefits.
So why do people get married? Is it because of tradition? This is totally taking over my mind right now! I will say, I want to get married again. I have no fears about divorce even though it’s happened to me before. In fact, I have no doubts about marrying FF. I would do it tomorrow (hell, I’d have done it yesterday if he would have asked!). And not just because I want another wedding but because I want God & the world to know I give myself completely to this man. I give myself to him knowing I can trust him and that together we feel as if we can take on the world. I give myself to him because I am committed to loving him forever. Through the good and the bad, the happy & the sad and all the millions of feelings in between. I know how much work a relationship AND a marriage take and I have ALWAYS been willing to put forth that effort. That is even more true now than ever as I have seen how that hard work pays off.
So, what advice would you give to that radio caller? What are the reasons for getting married? What are the reasons for just staying in a committed relationship that is not legally binding? What are the drawbacks to either of these things? There is no right or wrong answer, it’s a truth everyone must find for themselves. I’m just very curious to know your opinions 🙂 XO
I’m a big believer in signs. Whenever I’m unsure of something, I can never just listen to my gut. I have to have a sign that tells me what to do. Strange I know, but hey – so am I! 🙂 I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship with FF lately (what else is new?!) and I realize I’ve been given signs my whole life that I was destined to be with him. I thought I’d share a few with you.
My ex bf (whom shall be called…Ginger – I like this nickname making thing!) used to never call girls “hot.” Instead he would refer to them as “fit.” He was very much attracted to the skinny girls who either were naturally blessed with tiny muscular frames or spent a good deal of time at the gym. I never really fit into that category before. Until now (P.S. – I am NOT naturally blessed which you know if you’re a regular reader – I spend A LOT of time at the gym!). And now that I can be considered “fit” there’s only one person who deserves me – the wonderful man who pushed me to take charge of my health & my body. So my ex liked them “fit” and now FF has a better defined, more toned me. That kinda sounds like karma to dear old Ginger but hey – I am MUCH better off 🙂
FF’s mom lives in NH. Growing up we visited family that lived in NH. Every time we went there, we always made a pit stop at the same store off the interstate. When FF took me to meet his mom for the first time – guess where she lives? Right around the corner from that store! Another favorite stop in NH was a truck stop right over the border – which is right around the corner from where FF grew up! Ok, maybe you don’t think it’s a sign, but I do!
I’ve always loved music & dancing. FF suggesting an African Dance Class for our first date had me swooning already. I always imagined I would meet someone like my father who loves to dance & doesn’t need to be dragged out to the dance floor. This is definitely the case with FF – if anything he drags me out! We have different tastes in music but we’re able to appreciate the other one’s interests. I saw a live show right before I met FF for the first time. A year to the day later they were back in town. We went together and FF loved the music. I was shocked as it was a Celtic rock band and he abhors bagpipes but when we got home he asked for my CDs so he could put the music on his iPod. Similar interests AND a sign. I like it!
We’ve both been married & divorced. We did the “high school sweetheart” thing and it ended pretty much the same way for both of us. We were cheated on and we got divorced. I guess that story isn’t all that uncommon these days but it’s still a sign to me.
We’re undecided about children. Neither one of us has ever been in a rush to have them nor are we ruling it out (trust me, I’ve been working on a post about this for MONTHS – it’s a very touchy subject for me). We talk about our possible child(ren) a lot (I decided last night I would decorate a child’s bathroom with a monkey theme) and even how we assume we’d have a baby girl. The fact that we can discuss this and not freak out is a pretty decent sign for me.
FF’s mom has diabetes. He came in knowing what to expect and how to handle the situation with my health. Having diabetes is a HUGE part of my daily life and who I am and the fact that I met a man who had some experience in this area is a Godsend – and a sign 🙂
The biggest sign I can think of is indeed major. You know how when you’re a little girl you dream of your wedding? Even though you don’t really picture a groom in those daydreams, he’s clearly there. When BDNF & I got married, I suppose I knew it wasn’t him I had envisioned in my dreams. I just figured that’s the way things work. Now that I’ve spent the time and shared this amazing love with FF I know it’s him I’ve dreamt of at the end of that aisle. Standing barefoot in the ocean in a white button up shirt and khakis, he’s looking at me & smiling as if to say, “What took you so long?!” It’s been him in my dreams all along! And that my friends is the only sign I need. XO
Thanks again to Nish at The Outdoor Wife for this moment of reflection I get every week
9.) I’m thankful for chiropractors who provide almost instant relief to a headache that has lasted far too long
10.) I’m thankful for my Canadian friends and family and I wish them a very happy Canada Day
11.) I’m thankful for 3 day weekends filled with the promise of great weather and best friends. And celebrating the independence of our country.
12.) I’m thankful to have added some cute pieces to my wardrobe without breaking the budget (much)
13.) I’m thankful for a boyfriend who writes post for my blog, motivates me to run, makes me feel good about myself and takes care of me when I’m not feeling so well
What are you thankful for today? XO
A big shout out to Nish over at The Outdoor Wife for creating this wonderful idea! I think I’ll be doing this for a long time 🙂
1.) I’m thankful for my nephews. Thankful for JD who smiles his big toothless grin anytime someone talks to him. Thankful for Bman who offered to take me for a ride to see the birdies the other day. And played hide & seek in a restaurant booth. And needed help washing his hands.
2.) I’m thankful for FF who helps me keep it all in perspective when all I want to do is throw a tantrum.
3.) I’m thankful for CDEs who know when their patients are in trouble and are able give them diabetes supplies when money is tight.
4.) I’m thankful for summer which means beaches, picnics, BBQs & bare feet. It also means learning new things, like disc golf
5.) I’m thankful for the wonderful community of friends I have made through Twitter. I’m also thankful FF has joined the dark side.
6.) I’m thankful for cute manis and pedis – the DIY kind that are cheap. Oh and with this, I’m thankful for boyfriends who will help with said mani/pedi because your hands shake too bad to do it yourself.
7.) I’m thankful for Netflix on the Wii. If you don’t do this, you should. You’re missing out!
8.) I’m thankful for 2 packs of SPF 30 sunscreen in aerosol cans from Target. I have to protect this fair freckled skin!
What are you thankful for? XO