The End of An Era?
I’ve been wrestling with some very personal feelings over the past week or so and I wasn’t sure I wanted to write about it. After a long talk with FF in the car on Sunday, I am realizing writing is probably the only therapy that will work at this point. And this is my blog so I can do what i want 🙂
A few weeks ago on a Sunday morning, I awoke at 4am after a disturbing dream (I’ve been having A LOT of these lately). I can’t remember all the details now but I can tell you I had this overwhelming desire to call Mamacita and check on her. I refrained of course due to the late (early?) hour but planned on making contact later in the day. Since this was a Sunday, FF & I planned on spending the day in bed watching movies. Just as we started the movie, I had a voicemail from Mamacita. She sounded upset & asked that I give her a call. So I did.
When she answered I immediately told her about the dream. She informed me it was quite funny that I was having a dream about her & her (female) friend Jose at that time because she was just being released from jail into Jose’s custody at 4am. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! ZOMG!!!!! What the hell happened? Apparently Mamacita was arrested around 1am for Driving While Intoxicated (DWI). Groan. I was scared, sad & disappointed. She asked if I could come and get her so she could get her car out of the impound lot. I asked if she could wait a few hours or if she needed to do it now. She said she could wait. So FF & I watched Valentine’s Day (sooooo good! I know it got panned but we loved it. We watched it twice!) and then hit the farmer’s market on our way to pick up Mamacita.
When she got in the car, she didn’t say much. I didn’t probe for info either. When I’m upset, let me be. If I want to talk about it, I will. if not? Well, let’s just say it’s not pretty if you try to make me talk about something I don’t want to discuss. So I left the ball in her court. Anyway, we took her to her car and she said she was all set. She’d spoken very little on the car ride & I just listened. I didn’t have any advice or any sympathy. She’s my best friend and I was doing what I hope she would have done for me had the situation been reversed (God forbid!).
We don’t normally talk much during the summer because she has a group of friends who own boats and she spends a lot of time with them when the weather is nice (not that I blame her!). I didn’t reach out to her. I didn’t have anything to say. “How are you?” Well, my guess is she’s pretty shitty since she’s about to lose her license & having to pay a bazillion dollars in fines. So I didn’t ask. My general rule is, if you need me, you know where to find me. This is how I hope my friends treat me & also how I treat my friends. We are adults & don’t need to be babied. Cruel? Maybe. However, I’m a pretty sensitive person & I tend to take on other’s problems and issues so I adapted this mentality to be able to get through my life without being eaten alive by drama.
Anyway, we exchanged a few texts about “Eat, Pray, Love” because she had just finished it. I texted her the next night suggesting we make plans to go see the movie. I didn’t hear back from her. I waited two days. I sent another text, “Long time no chat. how are things?” Nada. I sent an e-mail. Then a voicemail. Then a Facebook wall post. Everything I sent was never acknowledged or responded to. I was pretty taken aback…and upset. This is my best friend and she won’t talk to me?! What did I do that was so terrible. In the voicemail I left I even said, “I don’t know if I did something to upset you but I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings and I’m sorry if I did.” There was nothing else to do…
On Friday, FF & I were making dinner & having a few cocktails at home. I heard my phone alert me to a text and without even looking at it I said, “That’s Mamacita.” Turns out I was right (apparently I have some ESP? First the dream & now this?!) She asked if we were out. I replied to let her know that we were staying in for the evening as we had a long weekend ahead of us. In response I got, “Last weekend I get to drink for 18 months. have fun at home.” Ummm, ok. Bitchiness not necessary. I asked FF to read it to make sure I wasn’t just compounding my anger about her lack of response all week. He agreed that the text was a little mean. I wrote back & explained that because she didn’t get in contact with me I had no idea she would be out on Friday. I haven’t heard from her since.
I’m really hurt and more than a little pissed about the situation. My intention was not to be a bad friend and I don’t feel that I have been. In speaking with a mutual friend last night apparently she is upset that it took me so long to come and get her to bring her to her car (I could have said no!) and that I didn’t respond to a text one night (because I don’t have summers off and tend to be asleep around 10pm). I’ve had it! She’s in court this morning & I so very much want to reach out, wish her good luck and offer her a shoulder. But I’m not going to do it. I’m sorry she got herself in this situation but I will not work this hard to make a friendship work. As with any relationship – a friendship is a lot of work. But it doesn’t mean you should have to do more than 50% of the work to make everything ok. If she wants to maintain a friendship, she can come to me & we won’t be brushing this under the rug. We will discuss this – at great length. This attitude? Doesn’t fly with me. I’ve chosen to live my life as drama free as possible and if that’s all you can bring to the table? There are no seats left for you.
Phew! So glad to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading XO