So, Easter is coming. What do you all have planned for the day? Me? I have not a clue. I spoke with my father a few days ago and all he knew was they have to go to my sister’s to give BMan and JD their Easter gifts. There’s no church. No family dinner. No nothing. I’m bummed. While I’m not especially fond of religious holidays and the religious connotations involved (imagine that!) I do look forward to a day with my family and eating good food.
FF isn’t big on religious holidays at all. So right now I’m looking at attending church by myself (true, I don’t like organized religion, but I do enjoy tradition and church & Easter kinda go hand in hand) and making a big ham dinner with all the sides (and soup with the leftovers – wahoo!) for just two of us.
I invited my family over for an Easter brunch but no one’s taking the bite. I’ve been living in my condo for almost a year and my sister doesn’t even know where it is. My parents have been over once. Yet, I can’t count how many dinners and parties I’ve been to at her house and my parent’s in that amount of time. Why do I have to travel all the time? Sometimes I want to host! I love being a host – the organizing, the cooking – everything about it is enjoyable for me. Now, I understand that Sis has two little ones and therefore it isn’t easy to travel (they live about a half hour from me) but is coming over for brunch on ONE day really going to kill her? Sis and my parents see each other almost every day. Ma watches JD 5 days a week. Sis and BIL (brother in law) have dinner at my parent’s every Thursday. And then, they get together at least once over the weekend!
Now my parent’s will call me and say, “We miss you. We never see you.” Does it make me a bad daughter because I have my own life and I’ve severed the cord? Don’t get me wrong – I love LOVE my family but I’m almost 30 and proud to be independent (always have been – just ask Ma). But I also feel that because my presence is missed I’m the one that’s gotta drag my ass down the road and rearrange my schedule to make it happen. I don’t mean to sound bitchy and I know I’m tremendously lucky to have the family system that I do. I’m just sad that I feel like I’m doing all the work sometimes.
So, anyone have any suggestions? How do I handle telling my family that I’m upset about this without coming across as a whiny baby? Or am I a whiny baby? Also, how do I start some new traditions with FF? He knows I live for these holidays when I can cook, bake, plan (and eat!) and spend time with those I love and care about, but he’s not into them. I would never force it on him (although he had his first Christmas tree in over ten years last Christmas – and he even admitted to kinda liking it! Shhhh – don’t tell him I told you!) but I very much want to involve him in a way that won’t make him uncomfortable. Wow – this is a terrible post – maybe I should boycott Easter? I’m eagerly awaiting your suggestions XO
So, I’m still new to this blogging stuff and I’m trying to do so much at once. My two biggest questions are “where do I belong” and “how do I get people to read (and comment so I know they’re reading?)?” Most of the blogs I read are “Mommy Blogs.” I don’t have any children and since I just started birth control last week that I don’t have to think about for ten years (yeah, that’s right!), I don’t see any in my immediate future. I think it started with my cousin blogging in Alberta about her baby. I read because I wanted to know how things were and since I can’t just get out there whenever I want, reading her blog was the next best thing. She suggested I start reading Blair’s blog– I loved it! Blair is insanely funny and the way she writes I feel like we would definitely be friends (if she could overlook the fact that I’m a Yankee!). From there I started reading who Blair suggested and who she was following on Twitter (yes, I stalked. And lurked.). Now I’ve found other wonderful blogs as well (Yes I’m talking to you Jen, Erin & Lauren!) and these women are great. Mind you Jen isn’t pregnant (yet! Fingers crossed she joins the pudding club soon!) and Lauren is still in newlywed bliss but I found them through Mommy Bloggers. I also read Catherinette and holy crap is she funny! I’ve been thinking about what category I fit in and I can’t find one! I know there’s always the diabetes route but that already takes up so much of my life that I don’t want to be tied down to strictly talking about that one topic. Yes, it will most definitely come up, as it already has, but there’s so much more to me that just being a diabetic. I do read diabetes blogs (look up some on Twitter by searching #dblog!) But I do enjoy reading Adriana’s & Matt’s blogs.
So what do you come here for? Are you really interested in me – anything goes or do I need to find a focus? I plan on making some big changes this weekend (adding pictures, more info about me etc.) and just kinda sprucing up the place. Any suggestions for what you’d like to see? I am doing this blog for me and my own sanity in a way (I’ve always found journaling to be extremely therapeutic) but I can journal on paper without adding fancy titles and such. I want to do that. I want people to add me to their readers. I want people to check in to see what I’ve written, what I’ve changed and how life is going – much like I do with the blogs I read. So I’m welcoming any advice and suggestions from you dear readers. I look forward to hearing from you and look for a new design and more updates VERY soon XO
I had a great weekend! Did you? I hope so 🙂 But I’m overwhelmed with work today so instead of a weekend wrap up, enjoy the meme I copied from Lauren From Texas
Current Book(s): We have this new book swap at work and it’s great! I’ve picked up like four books to read…but haven’t started one. Two of my favorite authors (Chris Bohjalian & Jodi Picoult) both have brand spankin new books out that I REALLY wanna read as well.
Current Playlist: I’ve been listening to A LOT of Sara Bareilles, Amy Winehouse, Adele and Missy Higgins. I’m also in love with Justin Timberlake and Timbaland’s new song, “Carry Out.” I’m also currently in search of new songs and artists for my workout playlist – suggestions welcome!
Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure: Easter candy! I love Cadbury mini eggs and FF thought it would be a good idea to buy a bag…FAIL. Also, Girl Scout cookies came in a few weeks ago and I’ve been working my way through the boxes I bought. Oh, and after a minor medical procedure last week I bought my favorite comfort food – cheetos (I prefer Jax but the store I went to didn’t have any – boo!). They were on sale for BOGO so I’m still munching on those late night as well.
Current Color: Green as usual! I’ve been pairing with gold a lot lately as well (Go Cats!). I love earth tones but recently I’ve been rockin some fuchsia and getting a lot of compliments – who knew?!
Current Drink: Diet rootbeer. And diet gingerale. I just can’t get enough!
Current Food: I finally made corned beef & cabbage last week (a little late but my first attempt – SUCCESS!). I’m also in a popcorn phase. I have an air popper (one of my 3 kitchen must haves) and I’m starting to experiment with different flavors (I usually go with garlic powder and/or parmesan cheese.) I think I’m gonna use some Cayenne pepper on the next batch though. Oh and cereal. Bad for you, sugar added cereal. I eat a bowl every morning because I love it soooo much!
Current Favorite Show: I love the Sunday night lineup on Fox (Simpsons, Fmaily Guy, Cleveland Show) and Monday’s CBS shows (How I Met Your Mother, Rules of Engagement/Accidentally On Purpose, Two and a Half Men & The Big Bang Theory). I also love Bones, Criminal Minds and Law & Order SVU. I’m also addicted to Intervention – maybe I need one?
Current Wishlist: Honestly right now I want tickets to see Kings of Leon at SPAC on June 6th, the perfect jeans and a cute outift for the gym. And anything electronic made by Apple. And the new Chris Bohjalian book – and the new Jodi Picoult book.
Current Needs: A good relaxing vacation. A whole day in bed with FF. Some quality time with my nephews. Drinks with my girls.
Current Triumphs: I’ve been going to the gym religiously (yet reluctantly) for four months! My body is changing and I’m happy. Also, after two weeks off the pump and back on shots my sugars are under better control than they have been in a long time!
Current Bane(s) of my Existence: Shots! As stated above, I am proud of what I’ve done in such a short time but between my friends being freaked out when I have to inject (no, I will NOT go into the bathroom to do it- do you KNOW how many germs are in there?!) and all the stuff I have to carry around now there are moments of frustration. Also, my insulin intake has almost doubled since coming off the pump which has resulted in some weight gain which negates all the work I’m doing at the gym. I’m trying to stay positive (because there are a lot of positive things happening) but since this question asked me I got to be negative for a moment.
Current Celebrity Crush: Johnny Depp. Always has been, always will be. There are more but I’m drawing a blank right now.
Current Indulgence: The Easter candy I mentioned above 😉
Current #1 Blessing: FF hands down. He loves me just the way I am and even when I feel I am breaking apart at the seams, he helps put me back together again.
Current Slang or Saying: “Well at least I’m not fat!” Actually, this almost got me in a barfight which is a hilarious story I’ll save for another day. Might not seem funny to all and I mean no disrespect but trust me, it was awesome – and deserved
Current Outfit: Jeans and hoodies per usual but I’m very much looking forward to weather when I can show a little more skin – and wear flip flops!
Current Excitement: I’m possibly hosting Easter brunch for my family this weekend and that would be fun. My sister still hasn’t seen my place and I’ve been there for almost a year! Oh, and I’m getting an iPhone – wicked psyched!
Current Mood: I’m kinda blah but working on staying positive. I’m thankful that I get next Monday off so I’m using that to get me through 🙂
Current Link: I like to stay in the know so I check yahoo and MSNBC quite frequently. But besides the blogs I read (blogroll coming soon) I like to be entertained and any of these three sites will do it Texts From Last Night F My Life & Post Secret
I am so overwhelmed by the outpouring of support for “Living With Diabtes Day”! I thought before Adriana and I attempt to get the ball rolling I should document a day in the life of me. So here goes: (P.S. There is now a page where you can look up some of the terminology I use about diabetes – and ALWAYS feel free to ask me what I’m talking about. I’ve begun to take for granted my knowledge of diabetes and forget that not everyone deals with these things on a regular basis. Ignorance is NOT bliss and knowledge IS power!)
6:45am – final alarm goes off (after hitting snooze far too many times!). Check sugar. 58. What?! Good thing I had a nice peanut butter sandwich on my nightstand for just this occasion. Nom nom nom.
8:00 – dentist appointment. My bi-annual cleaning and xrays. Have some recession of my gums (caused by diabetes). No cavities though!
9:00 – get to work. Check sugar. 164. Not too bad…Take my first dose of Lantus (13 units) and my meal time insulin. After doing the math (I need one unit to correct the sugar of 164 and my breakfast of cereal and low-carb milk needs 1 unit for every 10g of carbs = 9 units of Novolog)
12:00 Lunchtime! Sugar is still a little higher than I like at 166. I’m not feeling great today – just kinda blah. That could explain it I guess. I don’t feel like eating the wonderful leftovers that FF packed for me so I ran to the store and got some soup and potato chips. I didn’t eat much so correction + carbs equals 4 units of Novolog.
2:00 Mid afternoon chocolate craving! Twix = 2 more units of Novolog. In case you’ve lost count, that’s 4 injections already today…
4:15 Time to leave work and hit the gym. Sugar check…66. Oops! I’ll grab a juice box on my way to the gym. I’m not doing core or cardio today so I only need to correct and not worry about hitting an exercise induced low. My brain kinda hurts…too much planning and too much math!
8:00 Got a good workout in and worked off some of this anxiety I’ve been feeling lately. I cancelled plans with my lovely girlfriends tonight because I’m feeling like a Debbie Downer. Skipped my protein shake tonight (cuz it tastes like crap!) and went for my comfort food – cheetos. Had just one serving (I’m getting good at this). Now as FF begins to prepare dinner I’m feeling guilty about not checking my sugar before this. So here goes…256!?!?!?!?! WTF?!?!?!?! Ok, that’s 4 units to correct, 2 units for dinner and en extra one because I know there’s some candy in the drawer I would very much like to have for dessert. So 7 units of Novolog and 19 of Lantus. My belly looks like a dang pincushion. Oh how I hate this! I hate that this is something I have to deal with all the time. Can’t I just take a break from being so responsible for my health all the time? No, I can’t because I tried that once and it landed me in the hospital. Gotta pull myself together – one high sugar (my highest in 3 days!) isn’t the end of the world. Maybe it’s time for a new therapist?
10:00 bedtime! BG check…149! I can totally deal with that! Plus, I’m counting on some bedroom cardio 😉 so no more insulin today for this chica! Good night XO
How much do you know about diabetes? Do you know about testing? Injections? Pumps? Carb Counting? Trends? Bolus? Basal? Infusion sets? When I was diagnosed three years ago, I thought I knew a lot about diabetes. I mean, my ex husband’s family was filled with Type 1 diabetics. Boy, was I wrong. Diabetes is a lot of work and it’s like having a whole other job (except it’s your most important job you’ll ever have because it’s about keeping yourself healthy and ALIVE!)
Adriana over at http://livinwithdiabetes.blogspot.com suggested a “Living with Diabetes Day.” And I thought it was a fabulous idea! I’ve put the word out to FF and my Facebook friends and now I’m approaching you with the idea dear readers. Would you like to understand more of what diabetes is about? We’re still working out the details but basically you would spend the day testing your sugar and counting carbs. Some people could even choose to wear a pump filled with saline if they were curious. This is the basics of being diabetic and there’s soooo much more than this but we want people to understand what we go through every day. No, this is not a ploy for sympathy, just understanding and tolerance. There are many stereotypes about diabetics (don’t get me started) and I know some people just wonder how everything works. So if you’re interested, leave a comment here or follow me on Twitter @saucyredhead915. As soon as we figure out who wants to participate, Adriana and I will pick a date and you all can join us in the disease for one day. Then we’d ask the participants to write about it – on your own blog or as guest bloggers on our blogs. I know it doesn’t particularly sound like a lot of fun but it could be extremely beneficial and educational to many people. So, I hope to hear from you soon!
What a weekend! I spent Friday night at one of my favorite local sports bars with some of my favorite people to watch the UVM Men’s hoop games. I celebrated drowned my sorrows in quite a few bottles of Miller Lite and had a fabulous time despite the loss. Let me first say, this loss was anticipated. Yes, I talked about it ALL WEEK. Yes, I wore the schools colors (green & gold) to work on Friday and also to the bar (different outfit – I thought it was cute. Whole other blog post about listening when your boyfriend finally has an opinion on your outfit 🙂 ) We had watched the Hockey Cats lose to BC before we left (but they got a bid just the same – Go Cats – Beat Wisconsin!).
Now, I’ve spoken on my love for college hoops but I don’t think it’s something you understand unless you meet me. My table was reserved right in front of the giant projection tv and my spot was right at the head of the table. Now that’s respect! FF was worried I hadn’t really considered that UVM was most likely NOT going to win this game. After all, in all of NCAA history, a 16th seed has NEVER beaten a number 1 seed. But the boys gave me everything I could ask for. Marqus had some beautiful shots (and an awesome dunk after a fabulous steal!). Evan was rebounding. Joey, MoJo and Nick were doing what they do. They didn’t give up. They played with heart and hunger and for that, I applaud them. There is no reason for the Men’s Hoopcats (or their fans!) to hang their heads. We also have to remember that Syracuse was out for blood after our boys kicked their butts and ousted them out of the tourney five years ago. The game was tough to watch and my friend Mamacita was on one side worrying I was having a heart attack and my friend Lusty was sitting on the other side telling me to keep cheering and not to give up on my team! I felt like one of those movies where I had an angel on one side (although if Mamacita is ever the angel on my shoulder I better look out! We are trouble!) and a devil on the other. I left the bar with a pretty good buzz and no voice but I was glad to have had that experience with a room full of Catamount fans who also never gave up on their team!
Saturday I worked. A double shift. Upstairs. It was a looooong day but very profitable. I haven’t made that much money in a single shift in I don’t know how long. It was awesome! Although, FF made me change when I get home because I stunk (of sweat and food apparently) and my legs are still killing me from doing stairs all day (thankfully I skipped leg day at the gym on Friday!) I ended up having a wonderful night. There were some friends there to watch March Madness on tv, we ordered wings and had some cocktails. Our friends left around midnight but FF and I stayed up drinking, laughing and talking until 4am! That’s right, 4am! We haven’t had a night like that in forever! It just felt like after what I’ve been through with my health over the last few weeks, we reconnected and recharged and it was totally what we needed.
Sunday we slept late, obviously. I had a low sugar around 8am so I had a snack and went back to bed. I woke up around noon and got ready to watch yet another basketball game. This time the lady Hoopcats were taking on Wisconsin – and they won! It was an upset as Wisconsin was a #7 team and UVM was a #10 but it was a great game and Courtnay & May did amazing things (as usual) to help their team get the first NCAA win (for women’s basketball) in the history of the school! Go Cats!
Then it was time to run errands. Now normally, Sunday is my day of rest but I had so much to get done that we decided to save it for Sunday and do it together. It was super productive though. I got some new work clothes, ordered a new pair of glasses, got groceries, hit Walmart. We ended up being gone for 5 hours but we had a blast. Our Saturday “recharge” was still in effect as we drove around and laughed and teased each other. I’m telling you, there is nothing like having someone you are head over heels in love with and amazingly attracted to you look over at you while stopped at a light and have him say, “You are so cute.” Especially when you haven’t showered and you’re in your Sunday clothes (which for me usually involves pj’s – although I did wear jeans since I was going to be in public). I love that FF loves me at my worst and my best. I’m starting to see that I think he finds me more attractive the less I try (although like any man he’s not big on bedhead – especially with my mass of curls!).
So pulling on jeans and a sweatshirt, throwing my hair into a sloppy bun and putting on a lil makeup is all I need to get FFs motor running? I’m gonna stop spending days planning an outift, hair and makeup and just be comfortable all the time. Apparently, that’s what makes us women more attractive? Do you find the same thing? Women, what simple things that you do seem to get attention from your man? Men (if you’re reading) what little things does a woman do that make her more attractive. I’m very curious to know your answers! XO
My all time favorite movie is a little known film from the 90’s called “Beautiful Girls.” It has a great story, big names (Timothy Hutton, Michael Rappaport, Natalie Portman, Uma Thurman, Matt Dillon, Rosie O’Donnell, Mira Sorvino) and some great lines. One of my favorite scenes has Uma Thurman and Timothy Hutton’s characters sitting in an ice shanty and he asks her why she loves her boyfriend. Her reply? “You know there are four words I need to hear before I go to sleep. Four little words. ‘Good night sweet girl.’ That’s all it takes. I’m easy, I know, but a guy who can muster up those four words is a guy I want to stay with.” I love that line! And I too love to hear those words. Back in the days before FF and I shacked up we would text until one of us fell asleep and if he knew he was drifting off, I would often see those four wonderful words on the teeny screen of my phone and it would make me swoon! Every once in a while now as we lay down to go to sleep for the night, he’ll roll over and kiss my shoulders and say them aloud. It makes me melt just thinking about it!
A few months ago, I was reading Cosmo and one of the articles was “4 Words to Cheatproof His Love (you can read it here: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/stop-him-from-cheating?click=main_sr) The words you can say to keep your man faithful? “You are so hot.” I laughed when I read this because I tell FF that all the time! And not because I’m scared he’ll stray but because he is and I can’t help but tell him how attracted to him I am. It’s also nice to know that I have four little words I can say to him that make him smile too.
So a few days ago we were watching something on tv (I honestly can’t remember and it’s totally not important) and the male character said to his girlfriend, “I’m not going anywhere.” I turned to FF and told him those were my new favorite four words. After a failed marriage and a failed relationship, I felt like my drama and baggage was too much for myself to handle – let alone someone willingly dealing with it. But he has – and he hasn’t run screaming for the hills yet (and how I love him for that!) But sometimes the silly redhead (another nickname from FF) in me just needs to hear that he can and WILL put up with my emotional baggage and drama. So last night when I had a mini meltdown on our way to celebrate St. Patty’s Day it put my mind at ease when he put his hands on my shoulders and said, “I’m going to go inside and say hi. And hey, I’m not going anywhere.” Yes, I pinch myself every day XO
So FF has got me going to the gym. My friends are shocked – as am I. I’ve always been on the lean side (don’t hate me – it sucks just as much for people to assume you have an eating disorder as it does to be considered a fatty – trust me). FF used to be overweight. When him and his ex split he decided he wanted to feel better about himself. Since then he’s dropped over 100 pounds – just by eating right and going to the gym regularly. He is incredibly proud of his body (as he should be – have I mentioned how hot he is?!) and I want to feel the same way.
So, when the new year came along I decided I would join him at the gym. At first, it was hard and I was sore and frustrated but I stuck with it. Then the results came and I was in awe of my own body. I mean, my arms look great, I can feel my ab muscles (granted a little more time of the treadmill won’t hurt so that I can see them too). But I’m stuck in a rut again. I’m sick of the gym. I’m sick of spending 1.5-2 hours there 4 times a week. I’m sick of the music on my iPod. So dear readers (all 3 of you maybe, on a good day?) I’m reaching out. What gets you motivated to work out? How do you get out of a workout rut? What music gets you moving (I need suggestions for both cardio and for lifting please!)? And lastly, how do you learn to accept your body the way it is (as long as it’s healthy) instead of wishing you could look like those tan, lean models on magazine covers (BTW, I’m as Celtic as they come – red hair, freckles and albino skin. I will NEVER be tan and while it’s unhealthy I feel like being blindingly white is pretty unattractive)? Please help, I need your motivation. XO
Well, I warned you it could come up a lot. I’m having one of those days 😦 My sugar has been on a roller coaster since I went back to shots and it sucks a big one. People who don’t have to deal with it have no clue how much a fluctuating blood sugar can throw you off – physically and emotionally. My goal is to keep my glucose levels under control and consistently have blood sugars in the normal range (80-120) but that my friends, seems dang near impossible. I am journaling all of my sugars as well as my insulin doses and e-mailing my doc every few days so we can make adjustments as needed. It’s exhausting – and disheartening to have those numbers staring me in the face. On top of it all, the bruising on my belly (where I inject) is getting so bad I’m running out of places to inject. Can someone tell me why I spend 4 days a week at the gym to maintain a body I don’t want to show anyone because these bruises are repulsive? Seems like kind of a waste of time.
There, now that I’ve wrote it down and got it out of my system, it’s time to stop wallowing. I have my life and I woke up to gorgeous sunshine today! I’m going to try to be thankful today instead of depressed. Wish me luck! XO
So I know I said I wouldn’t bring up work a lot in this blog but I’m super excited so I have to! I have an interview for a brand new position with my company on Thursday…squee! This position is a lot of the same type of work I’m doing now but working with the beginning of the process instead of coming in at the end. You see, my jobs have a history of being ones where I have to clean up other peoples’ messes. My current job title has me in the Quality Department and most of my other jobs have as well. This new job could have me working with Research and Development and I am absolutely tickled pink about the possibility! The only issue is my boss’s boss. I decided not to tell them about my interest in this position until I knew if I was a candidate (smart thinking?) but it looks like somehow they’ve found out. I also discovered one of my coworkers is also in contention. Problem here? Her job is MUCH easier to replace than mine. I always thought the goal of a job was to make yourself indispensible and I suppose that’s all well and good until you want to move around in the company. Oh well, I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed and hope you’ll do the same! XO